Paddling to Serenity


         Although I am 36 years sober I am not serene every day. So, I go to meetings daily.
       I was born in Biloxi Mississippi in 1933 and moved with my parents to Englewood Florida as age 3 and have since lived in Homestead, Stuart,  Gainesville, and now Ormond Beach for the past year with my son Saint Micheal.
        I was active in Gainesville AA but only entered Alcoholics Anonymous because I was told to go to daily meetings or else. I did not think of myself as a low bottom alcoholic and therefore through faulty reasoning remained on the sidelines for far too many years.
        To this day I firmly believe that the average man in the street understands alcoholism far better than the average psychiatrist. Most psychiatrists avoid the issue of personality, but AA directly recognizes character defects and sets out to remedy our core self through reaching to a higher power.
        The turning point in my life was a combination of a colleague, Doug Gamble and several patients who entered our practice in Gainesville who came to group with deep understanding of person to person spiritual relationship. They had a deep feeling for a higher power and they came to us from Alcoholics Anonymous. Doug held fast to AA even through unsuccessful treatment for lung cancer. I began to wake up.
         The person who had the most profound effect on my spiritual path was Dorothy who had many years sobriety. Because of dementia and COPD members of the Gainesville Group would visit her often over a period of several years. She was brought to a final meeting at the Eyeopener Group, and talked about her spiritual state and the peace she felt. So, in her final meeting, three weeks before she passed, she gave comfort and faith to us.  No atheist could have done that. God was within her and we could feel it even though she had no idea of what day it was.

        In the usual psychiatric practice, the very ill are separated from those who are less so. But in AA the most severely ill are brought close to the group and healing happens thought God’s grace and the spiritual presence of each other.
       While the nation has floundered and spent billions with its war on drugs, during my 36 years AA has quietly absorbed those with drug problems because AA, through countless group conscience meetings, realized that druggies weave in and out of alcohol throughout their lifetime.
        Though I have spent countless hours in church including Catholic, Presbyterian, and Unitarian I have felt renewed spiritually in AA much more than in most churches. I know of priests and ministers who have found AA and usually they are not awarded the princely congregations.
Perhaps, everything is working out.  As we meet today there are many small churches that are kept alive through money from AA rentals. What a curious blessing.
       During the 10 year period that I was working in crisis stabilization in FSP and UCI (Raiford), my Gainesville AA group continued to physically minister to Dorothy as she spiritually ministered to them. Shortly after I began work at FSP, I had a heart attack and was dealt a triple bypass.  When I returned to work, the inmates I was supposed to be treating would offer me spiritual comfort. So these black guys who had been in solitary confinement for years and years, brought me out of self-pity without wanting any credit or special favor. Why?  
                In the classroom in the 6th grade I followed the leader. Jimmy was bright, confident and I looked to him for courage. But I identified  with the kids in the back of the class who were hiding out.
            Today I identify with newcomers and those who are struggling with relapse feelings.
           My choice is to remain sober and feel the strength of the circle here in this room and out there in the circle of life.



       

        




       

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